I Saw You
by Spnchick09
Summary: After Martin's death, Ruthie is haunted by the memories leading up to it. Songfic, strictly oneshot.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own 7th Heaven or anything affiliated with it. I also don't own the lyrics to the song, "What Hurts the Most" by Rascal Flatts.

**Author's Note: **This was an idea that came to me after hearing the song and seeing the video. It's taken me a while to figure out how I wanted it written, but I think the ideas that will be put on this electronic paper will satisfy me. Hope you enjoy it. :)

* * *

"Martin's been in a car accident." 

Ruthie looked up at her father with confused eyes. Her feet, which were firmly planted to the floor of his office, began to sway as her mind danced with immense possibilities of the next few words her father would tell her.

"How..." she started.

"Ruthie, he didn't make it. I'm so sorry," Eric whispered as he looked to his wife for support, his eyes shimmering with tears.

Ruthie was silent, as it sank in. "I..." she stuttered. "No. He's not dead. No!" she screamed, staring her father down. "It's not true! He's not dead! He's still here! He's on his way here!" she screamed, tears forming.

"Baby, I'm so sorry," Annie whispered.

Ruthie fell to the floor, sobbing. "It's not true!" she yelled. "This isn't happening," she whispered, as an image of his smile flashed through her head.

_The two were in his car in the school parking lot. She was cuddled up against him, her chest rising and falling in time with his. _

_"I love you," he whispered, kissing the top of her head._

_"I love you, too," she replied, smiling to herself as he took in the scent of her hair._

_"What...?" _

_"Lavender," Ruthie replied, already knowing the question he would ask._

_Martin smiled. "Lavender. I like it," he told her._

_"Thought you would," she replied, giggling._

_Martin laughed with her, raising her chin with his thumb and index finger._

_She looked into his handsome green eyes, smiling wide. He smiled back, before bringing her mouth to his._

_Every time she kissed him, fireworks exploded in her head. He was able to kiss her passionately, while being respectful of her at the same time. He had an ability that no one else had. He was able to make her fall in love with him all over again with each kiss, each hug, and each move that he made._

_"I love you," she whispered as he pulled away, her eyes closed._

_Martin kissed the tip of her nose. "I love you, too."_

Ruthie walked up to her attic bedroom, dressed in black. Martin's funeral was finally over. The hours of agonizing pain she'd just gone through, which had only added to the weeks of similar pain, were piling up and beginning to slowly kill her.

She sighed, another tear forming as she shut the door. She threw her car keys onto her dresser, and began to slowly sob as another memory came back to her.

_She smiled, as Martin came up behind her and hid her eyes with his hands._

_"Guess who," he husked, his breath ticking her ear._

_"Hmm, Sam?" she kidded._

_"Well, jeez, Ruthie. You can't even take a fake guess?" he chuckled, bringing her backwards into his chest._

_"Oh! It's Martin," she sarcastically replied._

_"Ha ha," he said dryly, twisting her head around to kiss her._

_Once the two had pulled away, she smiled. "Hi."_

_"Hi," he said back. "Happy sixteenth birthday," he said, looking into her eyes._

_"Thank you," she told him._

_"Ruthie, we have a present for you outside," Eric said as he walked into the living room._

_Ruthie grinned. "Can I go see it?"_

_"Yeah, just a second. Let me go get your mom," he told her, heading up the stairs._

_She nodded, waiting in the foyer as Martin intertwined his fingers with hers. "I know what your present is," he said in a singsong voice._

_"But you won't tell me, will you?" she asked._

_Martin shook his head. "Nope."_

_Ruthie playfully rolled her eyes, pretending to be angry. She looked up when she heard her parents coming down the stairs. "Okay, let's go," Eric said, ushering the young couple outside._

_"Cover her eyes," Eric whispered to Martin, who nodded in agreement._

_Martin quickly caught up to Ruthie and hid her eyes with his hands again. "Ugh, Martin!" she whined._

_"Your parents' request, not mine. Although I don't mind being close to you," he laughed._

_The two stood in front of her present, and waited patiently as Eric and Annie walked up behind them._

_"Okay, Martin. She can see it now," Annie said excitedly._

_Ruthie smiled as Martin's hands slowly slid off her face, and smiled even wider when her present was revealed. In front of her was a light blue VW bug, with white dice hanging from the rearview mirror._

_"Thank you!" she squealed, hugging her parents tightly._

_"Keys are in the ignition," Eric told her, chuckling._

_Ruthie hurriedly ran around to the driver's door, and started the car. "Ah!" she squeaked, clapping her petite hands together._

_"Go with her, Martin. Make sure she doesn't get into any trouble," Eric kidded._

_Martin laughed. "Will do."_

_He walked around to the passenger's side and got in, barely making it before Ruthie drove off, waving to her parents as she did._

_

* * *

The two had driven to a small park in Glenoak, and were sitting under an oak tree that stood behind their backs, with the headlights from Ruthie's car shining on them. They'd been out for hours, driving and stopping at the Promenade for a while. Night had since fallen, and the two were sitting close together on a blanket, just holding each other. _

Martin noticed Ruthie staring off into space, and smiled. "What're you thinking about?"

She paused, before inhaling and saying, "You ever think about the future?"

Martin smiled and put an arm behind her, fitting it snugly around her waist. "All the time."

_"What do you see?" she asked him._

_Martin was quiet, as she cuddled into his lap. Her head was on his right shoulder, as his right arm went behind her back and his left hand was placed on her thigh. He kissed her lightly, before replying, "You."_

_Ruthie grinned, kissing him again. "Good answer," she said._

_Martin chuckled. "What do you see?"_

_Ruthie didn't answer, but instead looked at her watch._

_"We should head back. Mom will have dinner ready soon."_

_"Wait, you didn't answer me," he kidded, tickling her side._

_She giggled, before breaking free of his grasp and running for the car. He chased her and pulled her back into his arms and onto the blanket, falling with her to the ground. He smiled as she rolled over to face him, and brushed a few curls behind her ear._

_His mouth found hers, and she moaned softly as he slipped his tongue into her mouth. The headlights, beaming their light on the two, caught the shadow of Martin rising a bit to take off his shirt. And with no one around, he made love to her._

Ruthie found herself crying at the memory. That night had been the start of something even more amazing between the two. They'd become even closer, if that was possible. And it pained her to think that no matter how close they'd once been, she wouldn't ever be that close to him again.

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house_

_That don't bother me_

_I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out_

_I'm not afraid to cry, every once, in a while_

_Even though, goin' on, with you gone still upsets me_

_There are days, every now, and again, I pretend I'm ok_

_But that's not what gets me_

_What hurts the most_

_Was bein' so close_

_And havin' so much to say_

_And watchin' you walk away_

_And never knowin'_

_What could've been_

_And not seein' that lovin' you_

_Is what I was tryin' to do

* * *

_

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go_

_But I'm doin' it _

Ruthie slowly walked into the school, and made her way to her first class. It was one that Martin had with her.

_Used to have with her._

She sat down in her desk, looking up when the Spanish teacher, Mrs. Cortez, walked in.

She began to take roll, and instead of calling out Ruthie's name like she usually did, she just noticed Ruthie in her seat and marked her present.

Ruthie looked to her right, and saw an image of Martin sitting there, his eyes gazing into hers, with the smell of his cologne reaching her nostrils. Then, as quickly as the image had come to her, it faded, and she saw his empty desk that he'd never occupy again.

It was too much. She quickly stood up, grabbing her books, and dashed out of the school towards her car.

_"I had a miscarriage," she whispered._

_"What?" he replied._

_The two were sitting in Ruthie's car, three months after Ruthie's sixteenth birthday._

_"I had a miscarriage. I lost the baby," she repeated, crying._

_Martin's eyes widened, looking on at his girlfriend. She had her hands folded in her lap, twiddling her thumbs as she told him._

_"Are you sure?" he asked._

_Ruthie nodded slowly, sniffling. "Yeah. I went to the doctor earlier today because I'd been bleeding, and they said I lost it," she whispered._

_Martin sunk back into the passenger seat, running a hand through his hair. "God..." he muttered._

_"We weren't ready for a baby though," she pointed out. "Maybe this is just a wake-up call."_

_Martin turned to face her. "I know we weren't ready. But I was kind of excited," he admitted, sheepishly shrugging his shoulders._

_Ruthie weakly smiled. "I was, too. But this way, we don't have to tell my parents. They'll never know."_

_Martin cocked his head, giving a coy smile._

_"Okay, we'll tell them. But don't blame me when they kill you," Ruthie agreed, raising her hands in the air in mock surrender._

_"Ruthie, they won't kill me," he assured her, laughing._

_Ruthie, still not able to laugh, merely smiled. "I'm kind of sad, though. I mean, yeah, it'd have been tough. But you were going to stay with me, and that alone would've made it easier. I want to have kids with you, marry you..."_

_"Not in that order anymore, though," Martin cut in._

_Ruthie smiled. "Yeah, not anymore, I guess. But still, it'd have been nice to have a little Baby Brewer in a few months."_

_"Yeah, well, when I saw our future, I didn't see little Baby Brewer. I just saw you. Baby Brewer was something that was added in there," he chuckled._

_"Why aren't you crying?" she asked him, not able to keep herself from giggling with him._

_"I never cry," he replied, laughing._

_"Oh, Mr. Macho, right?" She rolled her eyes._

_Martin smiled, looking out through the windshield and then back to her. "You still haven't answered me."_

_Ruthie raised her head to look into his eyes. "What?"_

_"When I asked what you saw in our future - you never answered me," he reminded her._

_Ruthie mischievously grinned, before starting the car. "I'm sorry. We have something to tell my parents," she said._

_Martin playfully rolled his eyes, grabbing her hand in his. "For some odd reason, I love you, Ruthie Camden," he told her, kissing the top of her hand._

_She turned her head in his direction, her straightened hair swishing to her back. "And for some bizarre and unexplainable reason, I think I might love you back, Martin Brewer."_

Ruthie stopped running down the hallway, and slid her back against a wall as she fell to the floor, sobbing. She wanted to die, being that she felt she had no reason to live anymore. She wouldn't be able to have his child, because it no longer existed. And now, she wouldn't be able to have him either. She'd end up dying an old maid, she figured. No one could ever compare to Martin. And she hated that.

"Hey," a quiet, but familiar voice greeted her.

"Hi," she whispered back.

"I'm sorry I left you," he replied.

Ruthie looked to the image beside her. "Don't be. How's our child?" she asked, grinning.

"He's great," Martin replied, smiling.

"He?"

"Yeah, he. It's a boy. We would've named him William Eric Brewer," he told her.

"After my dad, huh?" she asked, chuckling.

Martin smiled, resting his head on the wall. "Yeah."

Ruthie's smile faded. "I miss you."

Keeping the back of his head on the wall, he tilted it so he could look her in the eyes. "I miss you, too. But I'm still here, just like I've always been."

"Ruthie!"

Ruthie's thoughts were stirred when a voice called out her name. She looked beside her, and realized Martin was gone. She sighed, noticing Mac running towards her.

"Hey. You alright? I saw you run out of Spanish," he explained.

Ruthie dropped her jaw. "You think I'm alright? My boyfriend's dead," she coldly spat.

Mac sighed, sitting beside her. "Sorry. Wrong question."

Ruthie rolled her eyes, ready to leave.

"I was wondering...since you haven't been out in a few weeks, mind if I take you out on Friday?" he asked.

Ruthie looked to him, disgusted. "You think I'd want to go out with someone after the love of my life died?"

Mac shrugged. "I don't know. It's not like we have to do anything. You just need to get out of the house. You'll turn into an old hag the way you're mourning."

Ruthie slapped him, standing. "You're such an ass," she spewed, turning on her heel as she headed for the doors leading outside.

_"So you were pregnant?" Annie asked quietly._

_Martin and Ruthie both nodded, even though the question had been directed towards Ruthie._

_"I can't believe this," Eric said, laughing a bit._

_Ruthie sighed. "It'd be nice to hear something else come out of your mouth, Dad," she said, after hearing her father utter the same four words numerous times._

_"We're glad you told us, Ruthie. But...pregnant?" Annie asked._

_"Yeah, Mom. Hundreds of women go through the same thing. You should know."_

_"Ruthie, you're only a sophomore in high school."_

_"Yeah, tell me something I don't know," she spat back to her father._

_"Please, it's in the past now. Ruthie was pregnant, I was the father, and now she's not. Can't you at least just accept it and let us move on?"_

_Annie sighed, biting her lip. "Eric..."_

_"We're sorry you lost the baby, we really are," Eric assured them. "But at the same time, it makes me wonder if I should continue letting you see him."_

_Ruthie's eyes widened. "You can't do that, Dad. It only happened once, believe me," she lied._

_Eric looked deep into his daughter's eyes, and smiled. "You know better than to lie."_

_"Dad, that's not the point!" she yelled, standing. "The point is, I was going to have a baby. A baby," she repeated, over-enunciating 'baby.' "And all you can do is sit there and decide whether or not the man I love can continue seeing me! Don't you think you should be more worried about the fact that your daughter lost a child that she was honestly happy about?" _

_The living room was silent, before Ruthie stormed out. Martin heard her speed off, burning rubber as she did._

_"I'll go find her," he told them, standing up._

_Eric and Annie nodded, both sighing._

_Martin headed out, driving off in the same direction as Ruthie._

Ruthie was driving towards a small cross on the side of a highway in Glenoak. Her vision was blurry, her eyes red, but she didn't care. She needed to go to him.

Once she was there, she pulled over and got out. She walked slowly towards the small, white cross that had "Martin Brewer" written on it in black.

She sat down in front of it, and started crying fresh tears again.

_Ruthie pulled into the driveway, noticing Martin's car gone. "He's probably out looking for me," she thought aloud._

_It had been hours since she stormed out of the Camden parsonage. She pulled the key out of the ignition, and walked towards the front door._

_Once inside, she immediately felt a chill in the air. She looked around, calling out, "Mom? Dad?"_

_"In here," she heard her mother reply._

_Ruthie's brows furrowed as she made her way into Eric's office. Her parents were standing together, both tearing up. Eric's eyes were puffy, and Annie was biting her bottom lip, a sure way of knowing something was wrong._

_"Ruthie..." Annie started._

_"What?" Ruthie asked, praying that everything was okay._

_"There's been..." Annie began, before bursting into tears._

_Eric pulled his wife into his chest._

_"What's going on?" Ruthie asked, not able to hide the nervousness in her voice. "What happened?" she asked._

_"Martin was in a car accident."_

Ruthie cried, folding her arms across her chest.

"I saw you," she whispered. "When I saw our future, I saw you."

She whimpered, allowing wails to escape her. "I love you. I love you so much," she cried.

"Take care of William, okay?" she whispered. "And take care of me," she added. "Help me."

She was silent, noticing a raindrop on her forehead.

"You never cry, remember?" she said quietly, the corners of her mouth just barely turning upward.

The raindrops then began to fall by the thousands, with Ruthie's tears soon joining them.

_What hurts the most_

_Was bein' so close_

_And havin' so much to say_

_And watchin' you walk away_

_And never knowin'_

_What could've been_

"I saw you," she whispered once more. "I still see you."


End file.
